Breakups can be messy, but after the heartache phase has passed the last thing anyone wants is to get a text from their ex, especially when you’ve moved on. Here are 75 people that never should have texted their ex because it only brought them further humiliation.
1. Sorry, no more thunder down under
Sorry, the va-jay-jay is no longer in service to any and all exes. It’s busy doing something else.
2. Latin for Millennials
Instead of veni vidi vici, it’s more like: He called. It rang. She watched. Et tu, Brutal!
3. You know who I am, right?
Said the has-been celebrity to the paparazzi who no longer wanted to follow them.
4. I don’t blame you either
Of course you miss them. Because, who doesn’t love a good narcissistic?
5. If the end of the world were right meow…
Guess you’ll just have to just go deal with all those demons by yourself when the world goes bye-bye. ‘Cause, she would rather be a cat lady when the apocalypse comes knocking on her door.!
As the great Inigo Montoya once said, “I do not think it means what you think it means.” Or at least, you better hope that’s not what brutal backswing to your eggplant means!
7. Long time no hear
Yeah, must have been a really long time. 3 years and counting, in fact!
8. Wrong person, cool paragraph
Thea’s got such a great attitude about this. She’s rooting for her ex to win his other ex back
Just imagine you’re saying that in Bill and Ted’s voice. Or you could try reading it in Mr Burns’s voice from the Simpsons. Either way – it’s excellent!
10. Cheers mate!
Here’s to many more years of dumping you! What a great anniversary to celebrate.